Ponderments and Questions: the part about the parasite; the virus that we can stop feeding and remove…. clinicians say we can’t remove it and that’s it’s there for a reason. they say we have to change its role to make it useful. they say it’s like ego, you can never fully get rid of it. it’s part of you and you have to talk to it through IFS and soothe it and then integrate it into you. they say if you try to get rid of it, it grips harder. do you think that’s real? what a beautiful idea that it’s a virus, and not part of me, and that there is a way to eject it. i would live every day in grace and happiness and peace. so the key to escape it is to not engage with it? or is the IFS method and jungian methods of integration the way to go?
i’ve also seen other articles that say that you should engage with it but instead of debating, you say “cool” or something neutral until it gets bored and goes away. and if the mind is the receiver who is the thinker? i have been considering doing something drastic like psychedelics to wipe the brain clean and start over. Although, that scares me to death.
The experts say my sorrow comes from unmet longing and that to soften the sorrow, i have to sit with it. i’m not really sure that’s accurate/good advice. i’ve been sitting’ with this long enough, decades. How do I get rid of the black tarred object stuck to my spine? that’s what this parasite feels like to me. a molasses black dense sticky object that i can move to places to hide it. but i can’t get rid of it.
Thank you for such a candid and visceral description of your experience. That image of the "black tarred object" on the spine is incredibly powerful, and it’s exactly why the standard advice often falls short.
The Conflict: Integration vs. Extraction
The conventional wisdom and almost all the experts argue that shame is a "necessary" social tool. They often promote the concept of "healthy shame" and advocate treating the internalized voice -the "inner critic", as a wounded child that needs to be loved and integrated. They suggest that if you soothe the monster enough, it turns back into a prince.
So, you do it. You try to "hug the parasite" because that’s what everyone says you should do to heal. But for those dealing with a chronic and deep shaming voice ( what I conceptualize as the Inner Narcissist) this advice is devastating.
I fundamentally disagree with the concept of "healthy shame." I believe that self-attack is never a catalyst for true healing. You cannot shame yourself into a version of yourself that you love, and you cannot "soothe" an entity that is designed to consume you.
Why "Sitting With It" Isn't Working
I hear your frustration regarding "sitting with the sorrow." The problem is that emotions like sorrow are often infused with shame, and they behave very differently:
Sorrow is a "clean" emotion; it flows and eventually leaves.
Shame is a "sticky" emotion; it’s the "molasses" or "black tar" you described.
When you "sit" with shame without a specific strategy, you aren't processing it - you are marinating in it. Shame triggers a biological collapse in the nervous system. If this "object" feels like a virus, treating it like a misunderstood part of your soul actually gives it more power.
My Personal Experience: The "Third Way"
I created my framework because, like you, I followed the conventional advice all my life. I did the therapy, the energy work, and the somatic healing, yet I kept finding myself stuck in shame spirals and depression. Because those methods treat shame as a "normal" emotion that you must love and "sit with," I just ended up further down the hole of my addiction to shame.
Everything changed when I stopped trying to integrate it and started treating it as an intruder. I stopped trying to be "kind" to something that was destroying me and started reclaiming my power.
The BREAK System
I don’t suggest "fighting" the voice (which gives it energy) or "loving" it (which gives it access). Instead, I advocate for disidentification. We aren't "killing" a part of you; we are breaking the lease of an entity that's been living rent-free in your system your whole life.
Break the illusion: Recognize the voice isn't you; it’s a recorded program.
Refuse to engage: Stop "talking" to the tar. Don't argue. Don't soothe. Just observe.
Expose the lie: Shine a light on the shame’s circular logic.
Anchor in the body: Return to the breath, because shame hijacks the nervous system.
Kick it out: Use somatic movement (like physical shaking) to move the energy out of the tissues.
A Note on Psychedelics
Regarding "wiping the slate clean"-psychedelics can be a powerful door, but they aren't a vacuum cleaner. They often amplify what is already there. If you go in with deep fear, the "trip" may simply be a louder version of that fear. They can show you what freedom looks like, but the daily work of reclaiming your power from the shame voice, for me, is the real work.
A Final Invitation
I want to share that people I have never even spoken to personally have reached out to tell me that by simply applying the BREAK framework, they have achieved a sense of freedom and lightness they hadn't felt in years.
The key to this working is the very first step: Breaking the trance. You must recognize that this voice is not a "wounded child" and it does not have your best interest at heart (just like a covert narcissist) Once you see it as an entity that does not belong to you, the "tar" loses its grip.
If you need support with this, please feel free to reach out, I workwith people in groups and one to one. It is my mission to bring this work to the world - it changed my life, and I know there are so many people out there struggling with the conventional approach, who need to hear this to finally end their suffering. I invite you to stop trying to "heal" the parasite and start the process of reclaiming your power from it instead.
thank you. i need to process this before i respond but please know how excited i am that there may be hope for my future. and also, impressed by you. i want to learn more
Hard hitting words and notions yes I see it turning over as some thing eating away at me
I’m thinking about negative reciprocity that withdraw from my self system any sense of personal integrity standing on my own ground this negativity erode my worth. It’s a shame effect directed to humiliating its in school system and stems from political ideology that contains expression taken away vital pulse in the flow of life. This shame game seeping through my self system in relation to friendship one tries to get the better of another its playground infighting reflecting the adult conditions that continues to disable freedom to explore how the the reality of the living world works. For myself I noticed contradictions in my early childhood and became spying on others wounds they exposed in that rage against themselves playing outwardly towards the child. So easy for adults who try to control by correcting the faults in children’s immaturity who simply miss the mark. The brutal systems of a tribal culture that enslaved the masses is also represented by rewards and punishments so it goes on habitually. There is no internal ease here as the wounds we carry are hungry for reparation it’s that mirror effect that shows up another’s vulnerability to satiate the shame within us as we suffer guilty conscience in the shame blame game.
Silently knowing how to defend oneself by disengagement from the negative sequence cuts off supply the first step awareness of self the second step awareness of others., diffusing the situations a step towards being conscious of the internal wounding as that scan remains are we cutting in on that hurt as unresolved rage simmering in the deep darkness we try to avoid. Having the courage to dig deeper and nurse the hurt finding others who have bravely released their anger by acknowledging that angry wounding
Personal instincts and intuition can be reclaimed by being honest with oneself accepting the agent of change seeking to benefit oneself by not interfering in others lives. The journey towards self understanding is hard won by appreciation of our sameness and our differences no one wants to suffer yet it’s difficult for narcissists to accept their pain is no greater than others to monopolise on the wound keeps the wound toxic
Yes I am aware of that alchemy of the nervous system and spent years defining how the system functions in relation to our cultural environment that supports rewards and punishment. These influences are personified by manipulation of our emotions and thoughts. Trying to solve complex linguistic problems before solving psychophysical and psychosocial problems. As we are all learners here, how can anyone believe they can get the better part of another person without humiliation. The mental hubris has an art to play in the shame game as proving others guilty by default trying to correct the faults of others whilst incapable of correcting the faults in themselves. This contradictory narrative has no place in solving the insane nature of projection described by Socrates as prisoners living in caves believing that the shadows in the wall
Hi Janet. What you wrote is rich, and I can feel how deeply this is moving through you.
I want to name something though. Shame is indeed a cultural and political system of control, but none of that works without individuals internalising shame first, at the level of the nervous system. Only then do we become susceptible to systemic manipulation.
When you talk about negative reciprocity, humiliation, and the shame game, I’m curious what that looks like in your own body or in a specific relationship. Where do you feel it tighten, collapse, or turn against you?
I truly believe the answer begins with doing the inner work to break up with our inner shame voice (what I've named the Inner Narcissist, first). Only then do we have any hope of creating new systems free of the shame implant. These will inevitably reflect us while we continue to operate out of shame. The revolution starts within,and that is achievable for anyone truly ready to claim freedom.
Passionate membership in any type of “club”—a team fan base, a political party, a gender affiliation, an affinity group—is tantamount to cult membership
The membership’s emotional charge, not participation in the group per se, is the problem. Charge means you’re literally plugging your personal “battery” into the larger cult construct. There’s only one way this ends: badly.
The primary purpose of cults, at all levels, is ultimately to harvest loosh, or personal power, for purposes that do anything but serve your own or humanity’s best interests.
I define a “cult” in a manner that purposely moves way beyond typical, egregious examples to encompass society itself, fundamentally linking the concept to systemic social engineering and control.
The World Cult is architected to entrain members (through a variety of means both subtle and not so hidden) to restricted expressions of thought, belief, and action.
I view all cults, large and small, as forms of government (literally “mind control”) for limiting and regulating what is acceptable to think—and, by extension, say and do.
If you’re over on Twitter/X and would like to help Emma Lyons and myself get the word out about the importance of coming to terms with #shame and #shaming, on personal and collective levels, our recent article is now on that platform where our message might reach more people … with your help. Please like, comment & share!
Attention is what powers the shame game of the control grid. Most of us start out, much like in THE MATRIX, as little more than batteries charging a system we barely notice, let alone understand.
Some call this raw emotional energy loosh. This terms conveys an old concept in a new way: a vital force we intuitively sense is harvested daily.
The system doesn’t care whether we interpret this energy as “good” or “bad.” Desire, outrage, longing, worship, despair—any highly charged emotion is motion fueling the machine’s attachment roulette wheel.
The same dynamics appear in narcissistic relationships and broader societal systems. The rules of the game are simple: attention is supply, shame is fuel, and our reactions—born from an unconscious need to protect ourselves in an unsafe space—activate the grid.
🆓 Why Are You Playing the Rigged Game of Shame? (FREE DOWNLOAD)
https://solluckman.substack.com/p/why-are-you-playing-the-rigged-game
Want to Win at the Casino of Life? Just Walk Away from the Table
#health #mentalhealth #shame #shaming #trauma #healing #wellness #wellbeing #empowerment #sovereignty #spirituality #authenticity #narcissism
PLEASE SHARE:
🫣 The Name of the Game Is Shame (How to Win by Not Playing)
https://solluckman.substack.com/p/the-name-of-the-game-is-shame-how
Transforming the Nightmare into a Dream Worth Living
#shame #shaming #guilt #judgment #health #mentalhealth #wellness #empowerment #selfhelp #manifestation #dreams #dreaming #luciddream
Ponderments and Questions: the part about the parasite; the virus that we can stop feeding and remove…. clinicians say we can’t remove it and that’s it’s there for a reason. they say we have to change its role to make it useful. they say it’s like ego, you can never fully get rid of it. it’s part of you and you have to talk to it through IFS and soothe it and then integrate it into you. they say if you try to get rid of it, it grips harder. do you think that’s real? what a beautiful idea that it’s a virus, and not part of me, and that there is a way to eject it. i would live every day in grace and happiness and peace. so the key to escape it is to not engage with it? or is the IFS method and jungian methods of integration the way to go?
i’ve also seen other articles that say that you should engage with it but instead of debating, you say “cool” or something neutral until it gets bored and goes away. and if the mind is the receiver who is the thinker? i have been considering doing something drastic like psychedelics to wipe the brain clean and start over. Although, that scares me to death.
The experts say my sorrow comes from unmet longing and that to soften the sorrow, i have to sit with it. i’m not really sure that’s accurate/good advice. i’ve been sitting’ with this long enough, decades. How do I get rid of the black tarred object stuck to my spine? that’s what this parasite feels like to me. a molasses black dense sticky object that i can move to places to hide it. but i can’t get rid of it.
Hi Madison,
Thank you for such a candid and visceral description of your experience. That image of the "black tarred object" on the spine is incredibly powerful, and it’s exactly why the standard advice often falls short.
The Conflict: Integration vs. Extraction
The conventional wisdom and almost all the experts argue that shame is a "necessary" social tool. They often promote the concept of "healthy shame" and advocate treating the internalized voice -the "inner critic", as a wounded child that needs to be loved and integrated. They suggest that if you soothe the monster enough, it turns back into a prince.
So, you do it. You try to "hug the parasite" because that’s what everyone says you should do to heal. But for those dealing with a chronic and deep shaming voice ( what I conceptualize as the Inner Narcissist) this advice is devastating.
I fundamentally disagree with the concept of "healthy shame." I believe that self-attack is never a catalyst for true healing. You cannot shame yourself into a version of yourself that you love, and you cannot "soothe" an entity that is designed to consume you.
Why "Sitting With It" Isn't Working
I hear your frustration regarding "sitting with the sorrow." The problem is that emotions like sorrow are often infused with shame, and they behave very differently:
Sorrow is a "clean" emotion; it flows and eventually leaves.
Shame is a "sticky" emotion; it’s the "molasses" or "black tar" you described.
When you "sit" with shame without a specific strategy, you aren't processing it - you are marinating in it. Shame triggers a biological collapse in the nervous system. If this "object" feels like a virus, treating it like a misunderstood part of your soul actually gives it more power.
My Personal Experience: The "Third Way"
I created my framework because, like you, I followed the conventional advice all my life. I did the therapy, the energy work, and the somatic healing, yet I kept finding myself stuck in shame spirals and depression. Because those methods treat shame as a "normal" emotion that you must love and "sit with," I just ended up further down the hole of my addiction to shame.
Everything changed when I stopped trying to integrate it and started treating it as an intruder. I stopped trying to be "kind" to something that was destroying me and started reclaiming my power.
The BREAK System
I don’t suggest "fighting" the voice (which gives it energy) or "loving" it (which gives it access). Instead, I advocate for disidentification. We aren't "killing" a part of you; we are breaking the lease of an entity that's been living rent-free in your system your whole life.
Break the illusion: Recognize the voice isn't you; it’s a recorded program.
Refuse to engage: Stop "talking" to the tar. Don't argue. Don't soothe. Just observe.
Expose the lie: Shine a light on the shame’s circular logic.
Anchor in the body: Return to the breath, because shame hijacks the nervous system.
Kick it out: Use somatic movement (like physical shaking) to move the energy out of the tissues.
A Note on Psychedelics
Regarding "wiping the slate clean"-psychedelics can be a powerful door, but they aren't a vacuum cleaner. They often amplify what is already there. If you go in with deep fear, the "trip" may simply be a louder version of that fear. They can show you what freedom looks like, but the daily work of reclaiming your power from the shame voice, for me, is the real work.
A Final Invitation
I want to share that people I have never even spoken to personally have reached out to tell me that by simply applying the BREAK framework, they have achieved a sense of freedom and lightness they hadn't felt in years.
The key to this working is the very first step: Breaking the trance. You must recognize that this voice is not a "wounded child" and it does not have your best interest at heart (just like a covert narcissist) Once you see it as an entity that does not belong to you, the "tar" loses its grip.
If you need support with this, please feel free to reach out, I workwith people in groups and one to one. It is my mission to bring this work to the world - it changed my life, and I know there are so many people out there struggling with the conventional approach, who need to hear this to finally end their suffering. I invite you to stop trying to "heal" the parasite and start the process of reclaiming your power from it instead.
thank you. i need to process this before i respond but please know how excited i am that there may be hope for my future. and also, impressed by you. i want to learn more
This is pure gold.
Would LOVE to hear your thoughts, Emma, if you're willing to share them, before I chime in ... @traumamatrix
Hard hitting words and notions yes I see it turning over as some thing eating away at me
I’m thinking about negative reciprocity that withdraw from my self system any sense of personal integrity standing on my own ground this negativity erode my worth. It’s a shame effect directed to humiliating its in school system and stems from political ideology that contains expression taken away vital pulse in the flow of life. This shame game seeping through my self system in relation to friendship one tries to get the better of another its playground infighting reflecting the adult conditions that continues to disable freedom to explore how the the reality of the living world works. For myself I noticed contradictions in my early childhood and became spying on others wounds they exposed in that rage against themselves playing outwardly towards the child. So easy for adults who try to control by correcting the faults in children’s immaturity who simply miss the mark. The brutal systems of a tribal culture that enslaved the masses is also represented by rewards and punishments so it goes on habitually. There is no internal ease here as the wounds we carry are hungry for reparation it’s that mirror effect that shows up another’s vulnerability to satiate the shame within us as we suffer guilty conscience in the shame blame game.
Silently knowing how to defend oneself by disengagement from the negative sequence cuts off supply the first step awareness of self the second step awareness of others., diffusing the situations a step towards being conscious of the internal wounding as that scan remains are we cutting in on that hurt as unresolved rage simmering in the deep darkness we try to avoid. Having the courage to dig deeper and nurse the hurt finding others who have bravely released their anger by acknowledging that angry wounding
Personal instincts and intuition can be reclaimed by being honest with oneself accepting the agent of change seeking to benefit oneself by not interfering in others lives. The journey towards self understanding is hard won by appreciation of our sameness and our differences no one wants to suffer yet it’s difficult for narcissists to accept their pain is no greater than others to monopolise on the wound keeps the wound toxic
Yes I am aware of that alchemy of the nervous system and spent years defining how the system functions in relation to our cultural environment that supports rewards and punishment. These influences are personified by manipulation of our emotions and thoughts. Trying to solve complex linguistic problems before solving psychophysical and psychosocial problems. As we are all learners here, how can anyone believe they can get the better part of another person without humiliation. The mental hubris has an art to play in the shame game as proving others guilty by default trying to correct the faults of others whilst incapable of correcting the faults in themselves. This contradictory narrative has no place in solving the insane nature of projection described by Socrates as prisoners living in caves believing that the shadows in the wall
Hi Janet. What you wrote is rich, and I can feel how deeply this is moving through you.
I want to name something though. Shame is indeed a cultural and political system of control, but none of that works without individuals internalising shame first, at the level of the nervous system. Only then do we become susceptible to systemic manipulation.
When you talk about negative reciprocity, humiliation, and the shame game, I’m curious what that looks like in your own body or in a specific relationship. Where do you feel it tighten, collapse, or turn against you?
I truly believe the answer begins with doing the inner work to break up with our inner shame voice (what I've named the Inner Narcissist, first). Only then do we have any hope of creating new systems free of the shame implant. These will inevitably reflect us while we continue to operate out of shame. The revolution starts within,and that is achievable for anyone truly ready to claim freedom.
This a wonderfully helpful and authentic sharing of earned wisdom, Janet. Thank you so much!
Sol I am Grateful for your comments for my experience of this congruency between one another I find intrinsically rewarding.
Thank you Sol
🐦🔥 Your Practical Guide to Inner Alchemy & Immortality: The Audiobook of the Amazon #1 Bestseller in 3 Categories Is Now on Substack!
“A Profound Inward Adventure toward Self-realization & Spiritual Freedom”
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🥹 It’s a Privilege to Explain Privilege to You (Devilishly Clever Word of the Day)
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The Emotional Charge Is What Matters
Passionate membership in any type of “club”—a team fan base, a political party, a gender affiliation, an affinity group—is tantamount to cult membership
The membership’s emotional charge, not participation in the group per se, is the problem. Charge means you’re literally plugging your personal “battery” into the larger cult construct. There’s only one way this ends: badly.
The primary purpose of cults, at all levels, is ultimately to harvest loosh, or personal power, for purposes that do anything but serve your own or humanity’s best interests.
https://solluckman.substack.com/p/how-to-deal-with-cults-and-groupthink
I define a “cult” in a manner that purposely moves way beyond typical, egregious examples to encompass society itself, fundamentally linking the concept to systemic social engineering and control.
The World Cult is architected to entrain members (through a variety of means both subtle and not so hidden) to restricted expressions of thought, belief, and action.
I view all cults, large and small, as forms of government (literally “mind control”) for limiting and regulating what is acceptable to think—and, by extension, say and do.
https://solluckman.substack.com/p/how-to-deal-with-cults-and-groupthink
😵💫 How to Deal with Cults & Groupthink in Modern Society: The Empowered & Informed Path on the Gameboard of “Reality”
https://solluckman.substack.com/p/how-to-deal-with-cults-and-groupthink
#cult #cults #cultism #groupthink #mindcontrol #socialmediaaddiction #digitaldetox #health #mentalhealth #healing #narcissism #authenticity #shame #shaming #empowerment #selfhelp #sovereignty #energyhealing #personalpower #simulation #simulationtheory
👀 The Matrix Was Meant to Be Mastered & Escaped: Here’s How https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQBJtJkt1nE
If you’re over on Twitter/X and would like to help Emma Lyons and myself get the word out about the importance of coming to terms with #shame and #shaming, on personal and collective levels, our recent article is now on that platform where our message might reach more people … with your help. Please like, comment & share!
https://x.com/Errantfest138/status/2016610633958232490
👊 It’s Time to B.R.E.A.K. Up w/ Shame https://solluckman.substack.com/p/becoming-shameless-again-w-emma-lyons
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🚶♀️➡️ Step into Your Ideal #Dreambody for #Health, #Longevity & More
I Can Only Show You the Door
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#alchemy #inneralchemy #luciddreams #energyhealing #healing #wellness #spirituality #consciousness #book #books
🎲 🎲 Want to Win? (Just Walk Away from the Shame Game) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5W8gJN1p9CM
#shame #shaming #trauma #psyop #fearmongering #doomscrolling #blackpilled #victimhood #healing #health #mentalhealth
Attention is what powers the shame game of the control grid. Most of us start out, much like in THE MATRIX, as little more than batteries charging a system we barely notice, let alone understand.
Some call this raw emotional energy loosh. This terms conveys an old concept in a new way: a vital force we intuitively sense is harvested daily.
The system doesn’t care whether we interpret this energy as “good” or “bad.” Desire, outrage, longing, worship, despair—any highly charged emotion is motion fueling the machine’s attachment roulette wheel.
The same dynamics appear in narcissistic relationships and broader societal systems. The rules of the game are simple: attention is supply, shame is fuel, and our reactions—born from an unconscious need to protect ourselves in an unsafe space—activate the grid.
https://solluckman.substack.com/p/the-name-of-the-game-is-shame-how
😘 From Loosh to Liberation (Free PDF)
Download the “CliffsNotes” for How to Kiss the Matrix Goodbye
https://solluckman.substack.com/p/from-loosh-to-liberation-free-pdf
#alchemy #inneralchemy #philosophersstone #longevity #immortality #deathanddying #selfhelp #health #mentalhealth #mindfulness #manifestation #energymedicine #alternativemedicine #chakras #aura #empowerment #consciousness #sovereignty #humanpotential #consciousevolution #pragmalchemy #wellness #mindcontrol #mimeticdesire #behaviormodification #socialengineering #brainwashing #freethinker #freedom #detox #digitaldetox